A Lapse of Memory
by TheFemaleJunpei723
Summary: Roxas has lost everything. He's become a danger to himself, and for his own protection, he's put in a mental institution. Will his new caretaker be his savior? Axel/Roxas Rated M just in case for later.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, it is I, The Female Junpei! I am going to attempt to write my first yaoi. I've tried before, actually, but I stopped halfway through after rereading it and thinking, "Wow! This sucks!" So here I go! ...again.**

**Disclaimer~ Simply put, I do not own anything, except for this laptop and this plot line. Would I be doing this if I _did_ own KH? Seriously...**

It's only been a month. I'm really starting to get bored with this place. Everything it white. The walls. The bed sheets. The floors. The clothes. All the papers the doctors and nurses look at. Do they really need to keep looking at those damn papers. They should know this all by know. They give the same medication every day. Every day for this past month, they should really know the sedating meds they give me by now.

I lay down on this rather uncomfortable bed of mine. It's not even worth calling a bed. It feels like cardboard, honestly. I look across this small room of mine to the wall of pictures I have. It's the only source of colour I have, besides the occasional afternoon sun. There's pictures of better times. Pictures of my greatest friends. Greatest friends who have never visited me once. Or even tried. Pictures of all my teachers at school. I considered them important for a while. Educators are important, right. That's a lie. They don't care. Never have. Never will.

I look towards the small section of pictures in the corner. Pictures of my family. My mom was a beautiful woman. She had long golden coloured hair that flowed with even the tiniest breeze. She loved wearing sun dresses even in the coldest days of winter. The always looked good on her. My father looked like your average Joe. He had thick medium brown hair. He always wore a suit and tie. Very professional looking. He was barely ever home though. He often stayed late at his office. My little sister was so adorable. Her hair was wispy and blonde, very similar to my mothers. But that was the only similarity to my mother she had. And there was no similarity between her and my father. This was because my mother wasn't the beautiful person I thought she was. The local florist wouldn't have been a very good father, so why him?

But it's not that big a deal. Dad wasn't any better. I think that's why he always asked mom to take us shopping with her. I really wish I wasn't sick that one day. This also explained why Miss Sarah had a kid. She wasn't married and her kid looked a lot like my dad.

Sometimes Dad would come home drunk as shit and beat the three of us like you wouldn't know. But we weren't allowed to tell. It would ruin Dad's image. But I still loved them all. They were my family. I didn't think I could survive without them. But I guess I can, since they're all gone and done with. Well, except for my mother. That fire sure messed her up. After that, she stopped wearing those sun dresses she loved so much. My mother died in that fire while another woman rose from her ashes.

It's my fault that they died. I left. I climbed out my window. I went to that party. I blabbed and the drunken party goers went to prank my home. "Just egging and TPing!" they swore to me. I figured it wouldn't be so bad. I gave my address and let them go as I stayed put and drank whatever alcohol I could find. But they lied. They went too far. I never knew their "leader" was a pyromaniac. They burned my family in their home. My home. But I was too smashed to realize any of this was going on. I woke up half naked in an abandoned alleyway just a few blocks from my house. I rather unsteadily waddled home, well, what was left of my home anyway.

The police investigating the fire found me and took me to my mother. Her charred face made me turn away. She hated me for not being there. For not having to suffer. But she never said so. She just kept repeating, "Where were you? I was so worried." She sounded like a broken record.

I stayed at the hospital with my mother until her injuries were healed enough for her release. She rented an apartment for us. She barely ever talked to me afterwards. She left me out. That's when I picked up my habit. I cried every night for my losses. I started finding whatever sharp item I could and took it to whatever clean piece of skin I could find. For the longest time, nobody noticed. Not even my own mother. But on night, I took my attempt at suicide. Nobody wanted me. Nobody cared. I slit open my wrists and watched the red pour. Just as my sight started fading, I heard my mother's scream. That's all I remember.

I looked at the clock. Wow. All of my reminiscing resulted in a loss of an hour and a half. Someone should be coming with my medication soon. I think I might stop taking these meds. I'll just pretend to swallow. I don't want to sleep. I'm tired of these horrible nightmares. My door opens and I see... wait! This is someone new. I've never seen this person before. He's so tall and has the most colourful hair I've ever seen.

"Hello Roxas. I'm going to be your new caretaker. You may call me Axel."

This was new. I've had the same caretaker since I came here. Now there was someone new? This was perfect. Hopefully, he won't watch to see if I actually take my meds. He walked over and set a small cup of capsules on the bed stand next to me. He gave me a look. I've never seen a guy give me a look like that. He handed me a bottle of water.

"Take your medication and I'll come back tomorrow."

I nodded and sat up as I grabbed the medication. He towered over me and I felt so small. He mesmerized me. How could I not do what he told me to do? I wanted him to come back. He was way better than the old woman who was my caretaker before. I popped the pills into my mouth and swallowed them all with one sip of my water. I was a professional at taking these pills.

"That's a good boy." he praised me. He reached over and mussed my hair. I could only stare in wonder at him. I felt like such a child. He smiled and headed for the door. I didn't miss even one movement. It took him only three strides to reach the door, proving just how small my room was. He tossed me that look again as he left. The pills worked faster than usual, almost instantaneously and the last thing I saw was the tips of his bright red spiky hair.

**Okay, if you actually made it this far, then Congratulations! This chapter is mostly explaining Roxas's situation. I'm sorry if it was boring... Let me know if I misspelled anything and please excuse my bad grammar. Let me know if I should continue or just delete this now before I make it worse. And let me know what I can improve on!**

**Lots of love~ The Female Junpei**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! Here's the next chapter of _Less_! **

**Honestly, I don't really like the title _Less_… I just kind of thought of it out of desperation to find a decent title. I figured it was better than titling it _Untitled for now_. -_- If you think of a better name, let me know! I might use it! {Don't worry, I'll give you credit for the title!}**

**Now, on we go!!**

I'm standing in front of our house. I can hear my family's pained cries for help as I watch them burn. I feel myself holding back laughter. People rush past me as if I'm not even there. The police and firemen are trying their best to stop the fire, not even noticing me. I turn and walk away, smiling to myself. They got what they deserved. This wasn't me, I realized. It was who I thought I was.

I turn in my bed.

I walk towards the alley. The place where I woke. I walk into the darkest spot I can find. I want to hide, but why? And then he comes. That man with the flaming hair. This is where it happened. This is where I knew him.

A small shout escapes my lips. I'm starting to sweat. I turn over again.

I try to tell him. "I didn't start that fire! I wouldn't burn them!" I scream. I wasn't lying, right? I wasn't home. I was at that party.

I mumble a "No…" and toss over once again. A few tears fall from my sleeping eyes.

I try to run away, thinking he was going to take me to the police. "I didn't do it! I swear! They're my family!" He pulls me back and hushes me. I want another drink. I want this all to end. I see him reach down and I try to shout. My shirt is gone. My pants unzipped. That's when everything lit up. There were flames everywhere. My skin was burning off and the man was gone.

I spring up from my bed screaming and shouting. The nurses come running in. I'm flailing my limbs to get the fire off and to keep them all away. I can't understand what they're saying, it's all happening too fast. I think they're trying to calm me.

I keep screaming in agony. The pain is unreal. They're trying to hold me down. I can't seem to stop. I'm losing control of myself.

Moments later, he comes rushing in to help. At that point, everything that felt so bad seemed to slow. My muscles stopped having their spasms and I was better. My breathing was still heavy, but I was calming. I need to stay awake, but calm myself at the same time. I don't want to see these things anymore.

I can't tell if they notice that his appearance has calmed me. My eyes are blurred. Am I... crying? I can't seem to focus. They're gone now, except for him. They shut the door but when did they leave?

"Some episode you had Roxas. You okay?"

I nodded, but it was a lie.

"I have a change of clothes for you. Do you need help getting changed?"

I nodded again, and again it was a lie.

"You do? I should have known you'd need help." he said with a smirk. He took two steps towards me with fresh, white clothes in his hands. As I lay on my bed, he moved my arms above my head and wiggled off my shirt. His hands, so warm. Next went my pants. He was so gentle.

I felt my face getting red. Why would I be blushing? He's just my caretaker, right? This is their job. But if that's all I thought of him, then why am I pretending to be so helpless. I hate this place and acting like I can't take care of myself isn't going to get me out of here.

I felt his hands about to tug off my underwear.

"I... I think I'm better. I can take care of myself." I muttered. I changed my mind. I wanted him to leave.

"Now now, dearest Roxas. I don't want you to strain yourself. Just relax."

He had that look again and I felt my face getting hotter. "N-no. Really. I-I'm fine now."

"Are you sure?" he questioned. He gave me a skeptical look and added, "With all that stuttering, I'm not quite sure you really are okay."

"I'm fine. I'm not crippled and I'm not old so just what my old caretaker did and leave my stuff on the desk and go."

He smiled. "So cute. Fine fine! I'll leave your things. I'll be back later to escort you to the group meeting."

I couldn't say anything. Cute? What's going on? Is this guy actually a caretaker?

"Good bye for now Roxas."

The next thing he did completely blew my mind. He leaned down and placed his soft, warm lips onto my forehead. Then he simply smiled, placed my clothing onto my desk, and walked out the door. I was in complete and total shock that I lied naked in my bed for the next ten minutes still wondering why I felt that that simple action wasn't wrong.

Still dazed, I got up and finished changing, but this time in the comfort of solitude. I didn't like Axel like that, but yet that small little peck on my forehead was enough to make me want more. I had a few hours to wait before the group meeting was held. Maybe I'll call one of the nurses to see if I can spend some time with one of my "neighbors." Most of the time, it was the caretaker's job to give a patient permission to go to another's room, but at this time, I'd rather not go running to my caretaker for anything at all.

**Well, there's Chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed. I think I went on a little too much a the beginning with the dream, but whatever. I tried to make Roxas a little more insane than what he thinks he is. Please review and if you have a better title, {Which I'm sure you do} please let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! I am here again to apologize for making you all wait for soooooo long! I've been so busy lately! _ I've thought of a new title for this though! It's going to change from _Less_ to _ A Lapse of Memory_.**

**I had to get some help in this chapter. Credit for the good dirty parts goes to my best friend Jesi Chan! I just couldn't bring myself to write it... {Halfway through her writing, the perspective changes from Roxas' to a 3rd person view.}**

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not minee. =[ So on we go!**

I peek my head out of my door and look around for some sort of authority figure, other than Axel. There was nobody in sight. I could ring my emergency alarm, but you wouldn't believe the trouble I'd be in. I take a step out of my room and quietly shut the door behind me.

I had a few choices of people to visit. There was a girl directly across the hall from me. Her name is Elizabeth She came to the institution the same day I did. I've visited her a few times before. She told me the reason she was here was because she slit her parent's throats and smothered her younger brother. Moments later she attempted to hang herself, but was caught in the act when her friend had come over to visit her. She sang often, a lot of the time at night. She sang very well; I loved hearing her sing. After too long though, the nurses would get concerned with some of her lyrics, or she'd go into hysterics, and they would have to get her to stop.

There was another girl next to my room on the left. Since my room was at the end of the hall, she was the only person next to me. I wasn't too sure of her. I didn't know her name. It was Kiri or Kairi something or other. She stalked this student at her school for over a month and ended up killing him. How? I was unsure. She wasn't caught though the first time, so the incident happened again with someone I knew. Fortunately for him, he got away before she killed him and reported her. After being proved mentally unstable, they put her here.

A two doors down from mine was a man named Demyx. He is slightly mysterious to me, but I do know he would trick others into thinking he was a weak and pathetic person. Once the other person was caught off guard, he would kill them by drowning the other person. Once dead he would completely mutilate their bodies. He also got into the habit of mutilating himself some as well. I heard some of the nurses talking about him once. They said he killed four people.

I began to wonder, _"The people on this floor have all killed someone at one point or another. I just had a fit of depression, so why am I here with this bunch of murderers?"_ I quickly discarded the disturbing thought.

The thought of visiting Demyx scared me a little and the idea of the other girl starting to become attached to me was frightening a bit also. I decided to see Vyttoria. Maybe she would sing for me? I silently crossed the hall and gently knocked on her door. "It's me, Roxas." I whispered to her through the door. I heard the bed creak and then the doorknob turn. She cracked the door to where I could see only half her face.

"What are you doing? You're going to get into trouble..." she mumbled. She was shaking, though I was unsure why.

"I was just visiting you. I had nothing better to do... I'm sure I won't get in trouble though."

"You will get in trouble. You should just go back to your room." she insisted, her voice raising slightly. "It's not a good time." She was trembling more and more by the second. She was starting to worry me.

"What do you mean? Please let me in."

Her face showed a twisted emotion combining pain and fear. She slammed the door and I heard her fall to the floor. I gently opened the door and peeked inside. She turned to me, tears streaming down her face. She had taken her blankets and rubbed them against her skin to the point where they were bleeding. She whispered to me in her trembling voice, "Don't tell..."

I said nothing to her. I was afraid that if I said something wrong, it would make the situation worse. I took the blanket from her and placed it on her bed. I found her emergency button and pushed the red button. I took off out the room to my own before any of the nurses got there. I wanted nothing more to do with her.

I sat on my bed and cried. I wasn't sure why, but I cried. I didn't cry for anyone, not even for my own family. Time had passed faster than I thought. How long was I in there? I thought I wasn't gone very long. I heard a hoard of nurses and doctors run down the hall. I then heard a scream from one of the female nurses. It was just some blood, it wasn't that bad, was it?

I peeked open the door and I caught a quick glance into Elizabeth's room. She was hanging from the ceiling , her blanket used as a noose. A nurse quickly stepped into my view and told me to go back into my room.

"What's going on? Are we still going to have a group meeting"

"Everything is okay. Group meeting will be a little later than usual today. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine." I shut the door and returned to sitting on my bed. Why did she hang herself? Maybe I should have said something after all.

A lied on my bed and idled my time away. I let my mind numb as I waited for something, anything, to happen. I swore I heard some police, but I may have been wrong. Time had passed and I assumed nobody was left in the hallway. I figured the whole deal with Elizabeth was over with. I went to open my door to see if anybody was there, but it was locked. I was shocked; it was the first time since I had been here that my door was ever locked.

I pressed my ear to the door, and I heard footsteps. They stopped right outside my door, followed by the sound of keys. I stepped back, allowing whoever was at my door to enter. It was Axel.

"Hello again, Roxas." he said as he stepped into my room. I said nothing. He asked, ignoring my silence, "Are you ready to go to the group meeting?" I nodded and followed him out of the door. A few other people and their caretakers were leaving for the meeting as well.

We ended up having the meeting in the institution's auditorium. There was a large, blank screen facing us. There was a nurse who stood in front of the screen. It looks like he got stuck with handling the meeting. Usually, Dr. Xemnas, who's father was a co-founder of the institution, held the group meetings, unless he was busy. I should have figured he would be busy after the incident with Elizabeth.

The nurse cleared his throat to get our attention. "We will not be holding this week's group meeting due to an emergency situation. Instead, you will be watching a movie." He walked away to the back of the auditorium to get the movie started.

I turned around to face Axel. "Can I go back to my room. I'd really rather not stay here..." He nodded with that smile he always had. He grabbed my hand and led me from the room. I felt me face get hot with his had on mine and I managed to mumble, "Please don't hold my hand..." He chuckled and willingly let go. I nodded as a thanks and continued to follow him back to my room.

We got to the end of the hall and I entered my room. Axel followed me in, and as I turned to tell him he could leave, he grabbed one of my hands and brought his face dangerously close to mine and whispered, smirking with a slightly crooked smile, "With everyone at that movie, you're all mine." The acid color of his eyes seemed to smolder with an unknown emotion as he looked at me. I felt my eyes grow as large and my entire face becoming red. I attempted to move out of his grasp, but Axel grabbed my jaw with his free hand and moved his face even closer still. As I squirmed to try to get free, our lips connected.

It wasn't sloppy or wet, even though my mouth was open a slightly. I didn't see fireworks, feel sparks running through my entire being, or even hear angels singing. It wasn't sweet and gentle, yet it wasn't rough or forceful either. It was what it was; a kiss.

He took my first kiss.

_'My first kiss tastes like cinnamon.' _I thought in monotone as I stared at Axel's face, to shocked to think or do anything else. His eyes were closed gently, framed by long red lashes and upside down tear drops on his upper cheeks, a piece of limp, stray spike of hair was falling into the side of his face, and his long slender index finger and thumb were slowly, gently stroking my cheek where he had his grip on it. His grip didn't loosen up even when he opened his eyes and looked strait at me, the passion and unknown emotion still present in his eyes.

I retracted my past statement of when there weren't any sparks running through my body, because as soon as he looked at me I felt something shoot through me like lightning. It went from where Axel had a hand on my cheek, to my fingers where Axel held my hand, to the balls of my feet, and back up again. I could feel color rush up to my face and ears as soon as I felt that lightning.

I could feel him smirk against my lips as he continued to kiss me and that made me come to my senses slightly. I pulled away so Axel and I weren't connected anymore, but still dangerously close to the older male.

"Axel--" I began, but before I could get out anymore of my statement, Axel was back on my lips with a little more force this time. He was nibbling lightly at my lips but I wasn't in a state of shock anymore, I kept trying to wriggle out of his hold but to no avail with my free hand trying to pry myself free from the red head. Axel realized this and changed his tactic by running his tongue along my bottom lip. At the feeling of the muscle I gasped audibly. Axel took the opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth and dominated me relatively easily.

Axel moved his tongue around in Roxas's mouth with leisure expertise as Roxas felt his knees begin to tremble with the overpowering sensations that came with the kiss. Roxas unconsciously gave into the feelings of pleasure and reached his free arm to Axel's back and gripped his shirt and Axel gave a happy sigh and deepened the kiss, letting go of Roxas' hand and jaw, wrapping both of his arms around the smaller boy. With Roxas's newly freed hand, he wrapped it around the older man and gripped the back of his shirt with the hand as the last on had earlier.

Roxas was mentally kicking himself for doing this with the older male. But something about doing it with this man felt so _right. _Roxas moaned slightly as he felt something well in the pit of his stomach and lower extremities.

Axel was quite pleased with the sound the boy in his arms made and he wanted to hear it again. Maybe something a little more but he really didn't want to rush the boy into something. Axel felt something firm press into his knee and smirked. Axel pulled his mouth away from the beautiful boy in his arms, a string of saliva connecting the two males.

Roxas was flushed up to his ears, trembling slightly, and breathing somewhat heavily. The sight pleased Axel and he moved in once again and kissed the beautiful blonde boy on the forehead.

"Sleep well." Axel said with the hint of happiness in his voice. After pulling away, he realized how warm the boy was and how uncomfortable his pants had become. He would have needed to......._relieve _himself before he had to get back to work for the evening. At the exit to the boy's restroom, Axel turned around once again. The boy was still standing where they had been at for the past few minutes, still relativity red and trembling slightly, but he wasn't panting. Axel smirked and opened the door.

"Oh, there was something I needed to tell you Roxas." Axel said. Roxas jumped slightly when the male addressed him by name and he became flushed once again. Axel chuckled once to the response. "But it can wait until morning, I will see you later." he said and left out the door.

Roxaswatched as Axel slid out of the room and he made it over to his bed and lied down on it face first. The ghost of memories of what had taken placed danced around Roxas's head as he reached a hand up and touched his kiss swollen lips. He felt his face heat up once again and realized he was relativity tired. He soon fell asleep gingerly touching his lips with memories still present in his mind and in his lower extremities.

_'Maybe if I sleep it will swell down.' _Roxas thought and drifted into an uncomfortable sleep, dreaming of being watched by acid color eyes.

**I hope you enjoyed! Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up quicker than I did with this update.**

**Jesi Chan and I have been thinking of having another couple at the asylum. We've been thinking of either Demyx/Zexion or Cloud/Leon. Give us your input! We'd like to hear your ideas!**


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